Hello friend! I hope the new year is treating you well, and you’re settling nicely back into the swing of things, taking the new year by storm 🙂. If you’re anything like me, then you are a ridiculously busy for nothing bee lol, therefore, falling prey to the “obsessed with being busy” bracket that millennials have fallen into for the past decade. What is this obsession we have with being busy? Sometimes too busy to even stop to hear ourselves think. As always, I will be speaking from the perspective of a young person trying to juggle work, school, socialize, maintain a blog and my edges!
“Busyness serves as a kind of existential reassurance, a hedge against emptiness; obviously your life cannot possibly be silly or trivial or meaningless if you are so busy, completely booked, in demand every hour of the day.” -Tim Kreider
It is obvious that we live in a fast-paced world, there’s an undeniable constant push and pull. We have life pulling us in one direction, work pushing in the other, bills, friends, social media, news… There is so much information to consume and such little time to do it all. We are always “Busy”, the word rolling off our tongues like a privilege that only a few elites can afford 😕.
Having a lot on my plate gave me a sense of accomplishment, after all, you can’t be a loser if you’re busy right? It means that you have your shit together right? Yeah right, more like busy doing nothing sometimes. I was miserable. Felt a sense of doom (ok, I’m exaggerating *rolls eyes*) maybe not doom, but I did feel overwhelmed by the load taken on by unconsciously over committing myself, without taking a moment to think or check if I had time and/ extra resources for those particular commitments. I have to admit that there’s an element of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) somewhere in there lol. I was killing myself physically, mentally, financially and emotionally by over committing.
WHAT AM I TRYING TO SAY?
I have slowly started to figure out that being busy doesn’t equal productivity, neither does it bring satisfaction and/happiness. Overbooking, committing and extending only led to frustration on my part and the people I committed myself to because once I realized that I wouldn’t be able to follow through, I would have to cancel, and this would in turn trigger anxiety at the thought of the fallout or backlash for pulling out. Not only would I be down in the dumps about it, but it would be just as disappointing to the people I had promised my time, presence and energy. You don’t want to have a “flaker” reputation (Like me) but friend, when you can’t make/do it, ya just can’t make/do it.
“You can’t pour from an empty vessel. Fill yourself up before you can offer yourself to others.”
I am slowly learning to say NO. It was extremely difficult in the beginning, I’ve always wanted to be there for everyone and everything, but now I know that it’s okay to be a little selfish with my time and self. After all, you really can’t pour from an empty vessel, fill yourself up before you decide to offer yourself to others. I mentioned self-care in my last blog post innit? Yeah well, this is an important form of self-care. How will you give and/be there for others when you have nothing to give to yourself?
- I am learning that it’s okay to turn down nights out, trips out of town and lunch dates to stay indoors, in my coziest pajamas, alone in silence, listening to my own heartbeat, Sade, or even binge watch I love Lucy with my phone on airplane mode, with a glass of wine and occasionally, tea.
- I am learning that social media really isn’t the morning paper. Break the habit of reaching for my phone to examine the highlights of others is essential. This has the ability to leave me feeling inadequate, like I’m not “busy”, pretty, or advancing fast enough in life. It can lead to serious depression and anxiety. In reality, you’re moving at the right pace friend, don’t let the highlight reels of others fool/pressure you. Trade that in for a quiet moment alone with God (Prayer) or meditation, read a chapter from a book before you begin your day, allow a higher power to order your footsteps and guide you for the day.
- I am learning to prioritize and work smarter, instead of working harder. A really good friend of my mine taught me this, and it has worked quite well. I plan my days and weeks by allocating time to certain tasks such as studying, research for personal passion projects. Budgeting is a key factor, so as not to over commit myself to projects/events that will require me to put unnecessary strain on myself or my finances.
- I am learning that the satisfaction I was looking for in the one hundred million tasks I would take on, can only be found in my quiet moments alone. The clarity gained from the silence and calmness of my thoughts. I am able to think more clearly, be more efficient, pleasant and calm in my decisions, words and actions. Quality over quantity.
The people who truly care about you and your well-being will not hold your “NO” against you. They might be pissed off lol don’t get me wrong. However, they will not hate you for being honest about not having the time and/extra coin to accommodate plans. I find that in most cases, you will be respected even more for being upfront. If you are honest with yourself, you will realize that they would do the same if they were in your position so don’t bend yourself out of shape for nothing. Go out and practice that no lol and rearrange those priorities as often as you must, until they resemble something like your definition of calm and tune out the outside noise. Remember chérie, 2018 is the year of SELF-CARE 😉. You don’t have to be “Busy” to lead a fulfilling and productive life.